What to Expect When You’re Expecting…A Toddler From Half a World Away

No, seriously! What should we expect when expecting a toddler. I can’t even answer that question! It seems like decades ago when Joey was 2 years old. Maybe that’s because he talks to me some days like he’s 13. I have forgotten so much! I hope Little Brother won’t be able to tell as I fumble around to figure this out!

Joey's contribution: making sure the suitcases zip 

properly and will withstand the weight limit.

I have to thank our amazing family and friends who have remained prayerful and fully invested in this journey with us. God has been gracious to use our friends to offer encouragement on the rough days and rejoice with us on the hopeful days.  They’ve asked often about our process, what our next step is, and prayed for the details. Adoption and pregnancy are different in so many ways. No one has run up to ask our due date or if we know what we’re having, but to hear “how old is your little boy” or “have you two decided on a name yet” means just as much to these expectant parents.   Here's an excerpt from a blog shared with me.  It might offer a little insight to our family and friends on what to expect from us while we're expecting...

• She loves a child she’s never met - It’s possible. So possible. It’s irrational and crazy but it’s reality. Does she love them like she will once she gets to know them? No. But she loves them. She wakes up loving them and goes to sleep loving them. She drives to the grocery story and aches to have them safe and snug in the carseat waiting for them. She pushes her cart around the store and hears a child cry and her heart pounds wondering if her child is crying? Alone? Hungry? She might even have to leave an entire grocery cart full of food in the yogurt aisle to go home and cry because it just is too hard. Way too hard.

• Her child has been through trauma - If she’s like a lot of moms she won’t be advertising that fact everywhere because she respects her child’s privacy. But children don’t come to the place of needing a second family because they were placed in a cabbage patch by unicorns and leprechauns. Adoption comes from loss. Loss she will see in her child’s eyes and in their heart. Loss that as a mama can make your soul curl up in a ball for an ugly cry. So don’t tell her the kids are lucky. You wouldn’t tell a person who lost an arm that they’re lucky to have a prosthetic one, would you? I mean yeah, they are lucky to have that replacement. But you know what would be luckier? Not losing that arm in the first place. So please be understanding. Also, maybe instead of asking for her child’s story outright ask “are you sharing about his history before you?” That gives her a chance to either answer you or bow out graciously. 

• Adoption isn’t pregnancy - It just isn’t. Well, it is in that at the end of it the hope is to have a new son or daughter in your arms. But I’ve yet to meet a pregnant woman who wonders how old her child will be upon entry into the family. Adoption is different. There is no due date for us. Let that sink in. No due date. And even given preemies and late arrivals with the baby by stork method you have a narrow months-long window of time in which the baby will arrive. That brings us to point number seven.

• She probably doesn’t know when the child is coming home - And she has probably been asked this approximately twelve times that day. Because you, her awesome friends, care about her! And I get it. It’s hard with adoption because you don’t know what to ask. I feel that way with pregnant ladies, like what am I supposed to say? “Your ankles really don’t look that bad do they?” Recently I learned the always safe phrase “you look great – how is baby doing?”, the adoption equivalent is “I know you must miss your kiddos, how is the adoption going?” Or, if you don’t have time to have her break down and cry all over you try the even safer “can I see your latest update pictures?” and then ooh and aww over their cute faces. Even if the pictures are horrible say something positive. I mean I don’t tell people that their sonogram pictures sometimes look like aliens made of bread dough. 

 * This blog post was shared on a group site and I thought it offers great insight if you'd like to read the entire post.  I feel a little more normal now…at least in the adoption world.

Speaking of latest update pictures, here they are!  We received them just a few days ago.  With our agency, they receive growth parameters (height, weight, etc) and updated pictures a few weeks before a family travels to meet their little one.  When we received this "last update" this week, it became real.  More real. We've known that we're going to meet Little Brother soon.  Now, it is clear that the orphanage and our agency are confident in this as well.  Ahhhh!!!!

Aren't those the cutest cheeks ever?  

This Momma can answer for you..."most definitely".