Part 1: Lean In for a Secret

Lean in.  
I've got a secret to share.  Samuel and Stella are adopted.  

Our adoption story is not just about infertility struggles and how God lead us to adoption, it's a story of:

* Our lives becoming an open book for a greater purpose
* God tearing down pride and bringing us to a place of humility
* telling and showing our children to live our their faith
* God strengthening our marriage in desperate times
* sharing God's goodness with those around us...even strangers
* Unrecognized family baggage and how it affects our little family

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who thought fairy tales meant hoping for something simple and then receiving it within a timely manner and without pain or frustration. And then that little girl grew up and finally (after 6 years of dating) married Mr. Wonderful and she realized that God's stories are way better than any fairy tale.  

I dreamt of a house full of kids and a few dogs.  Ok, more than a few dogs.  I still dream of running a dog sanctuary where I gradually and secretly adopt all the dogs so I can keep them forever.  And that house full of kids...I'm still working on Mr. Wonderful.  I sometimes tell him that when these three munchkins are grown, we can go back to China and adopt more children. 

I thought adoption would be fun and a great way to help out a kiddo without parents.  As a child, I wanted to be a teacher.  Once I realized there are more than 3 children in a classroom, I changed my mind.  A mommy seemed like an "easier" fit.  Hilarious!  Right?  So, after marriage, we pressed on towards that goal.  We waited and waited and waited.  For almost 2 years we waited for what takes some couples only a month or 2.  We met with specialists and went though routine tests.  It was excruciating and far from a fairy tale.  I pouted and cried many nights, like literally threw fits.  Ask Russ.  Working in the NICU proved to be quite the challenge for my heart.  Dear friends encouraged us along the way A. LOT.  I have one specific friend who asked me often "have you prayed about that yet?"  AM asked me hard questions, but she kept speaking Truth to me too.  When we finally got pregnant, I cancelled my fertility specialist appointment.  I remember them asking if I was sure I wanted to cancel.  Um, not sure I could've been any more pregnant than I was when I called them.  So, I cancelled.  Then, I gave Russ a special picture frame and said he would be a great dad...in 9 months.  Once he picked himself up off the floor, he said he thought I had lost my mind.  Fair enough.  That was a very likely scenario given the situation.

Pregnancy was wonderful.  Our doctor did things for us we heard he rarely ever did for others, such as taking an early sonogram so we could show our family an actual picture when we shared the news.  Heart burn was doable.  Swollen ankles were masked by fun socks and cute shoes.  Eating for 2 was fun...maybe a little too fun according to my nurse practitioner.  When you ask a pregnant dietitian to limit her carbs, you better ask and then run fast!!!  We went on to experience the joys of parenthood and somehow survived the "baby fog" and lived to tell about it.  Baby Joey was a ton of joy and brought so much healing to that time of waiting. 

Our doctor warned us about the occurrence of "Irish twins".  For me, it seemed like a dream come true.  If 1 Joey was fun, then 2 Joeys would be even more fun.  Right? Must I remind you that I was sleep deprived during this thought process.   Irish twins was never our reality though.   

We soaked in every second with this little one.  I made his bedding and curtains.  I pureed his baby food.  I wore him in the Bjorn constantly.  I clearly had too much time on my hands and I loved it!  When Joey was around 3 years old, Russ and I discussed infertility treatment options.  After more tests and a few conversations with the specialist, we moved forward to add to our family.  Joey went with me to appointments.  He often said "Mommy, I see your smile" when looking at the sono screen.  After our first attempt, we found out we were pregnant!  My numbers were low, but still considered pregnant.  The nurse cautioned me that only a few times before did she see numbers this low go on to deliver a healthy baby.  Although joyful news in the beginning, it quickly turned to sadness when we experienced a miscarriage in February 2012.  One day we'll meet that little one in Heaven.  After seeing that "Russ cloned himself" with Joey, I'm hopeful our Heaven Baby looks like me!!  Two more failed attempts at pregnancy lead to further discussion of adoption.  Adoption was always on the table for me.  It wasn't quite that clear for Russ.  There's a reason God put us together though.  We truly are His perfect balance.  I just couldn't see it in the midst of wanting babies.  In my patience (read: impatience), I waited and tried to avoid the nagging wife scenario.  Finally, God brought him around to adoption.  And this is where the adoption story starts gettin' good!