Welcome 2019: Who are the people in your neighborhood?

Who Are the People In Your Neighborhood?
Sometimes I lose focus as to who I'm supposed to be encouraging and helping.  A very wise "Shrenda" once told me to focus on my little family and set boundaries for who I help.  Not that helping others is bad, but she knows I am easily distracted and need to be reminded.  She has reminded me of this for YEARS!  

For the first time in our family, we've set Family Goals.  I won't share them all, but I can say that we plan to be intentional with our marriage and our kids.  We plan to have budget meetings (which will include a spreadsheet overview, per my Accountant).  Rest assured, I'll take pictures all along the way.  Um, not of the budget meetings though, because those are confidential and will require a password to attend!

The social media version of our family

Our friends know the real version!!  

My mom and my childhood friend, Julie, were visiting on 

the day our amazing photographer captured these.  

We got started in December with Acts of Kindness.  Thankfully they are posted on FB so I won't lose them.  Also, they're not specific to December, so anyone can use them any time. All 5 of us survived those Acts of Kindness, so I'd say they are doable.  Maybe doing them every single day was a bit much for us, but it was a great way to refocus on others.  They helped the kids get creative in ways they give "gifts" to others.  Mostly importantly, it helped them think of others!  The acts related a Bible verse, so the kids can understand why we do what we do in our family.  My sweet husband lead them each morning at breakfast like it was second nature to him.  And writing them helped me see things from a new perspective and God let me use my creativity too!! 

Here's a blank version for anyone who might be able to use them!

One day, when life slows down I want to look back at 2018 and share what I learned from the process of moving my parents to Texas.  There is so much more to that story than I can fathom.  I'm still processing the events and the miracles.  Our family is still sifting through the pains and challenges too.  Our 2018 has definitely been one of growth.  All in all, it was a great year.  Seems funny to even say that given the challenges.  Even our new bank friend shakes his head at all we've accomplished and faced head on.  He doesn't even know the half of it!  

Our 2018 has been filled with challenges within our own family as well as challenges for some of our dearest friends.   My husband can tell you that I almost burned up my phone with texts over the summer!  Between my own neediness and the needs of my hurting friends, my texting thumb is ready to go on vacation.  HA!  Encouraging words and reminders of Truth pretty much ruled my phone for months.  The texts went both ways though.  Friends stood in the gap for me when I was taking my parents to court and traveling to Arkansas.  They also brought meals to my family so that Russ didn't have to do "both jobs" (as Samuel so lovingly puts it) while I was away.  Our house suffered while I was in survival mode.  Thankfully there's grace and a helping hand!  It opened my eyes to the need for more help around the house, which the kids and hubby are stepping up to tackle!  

We've had friends battling cancer and friends with big marital challenges.  These are all friends we've known for years, which made it comfortable.  Is that even a thing?  A comfortable time of challenges?  It's seems to be easier to walk these hard roads with people we've known for years.  It's easier to open up to them when you've seen the challenges they've faced too.  Some friends I've blogged about recently and some I haven't...yet!  I cannot change the name of everyone I include in blogs because I simply can't keep all the fake names straight in my head.  In fact, my phone now autocorrects "Drenda" to "Shrenda".  It also autocorrects "placemats" to body part names, so clearly it's unreliable and uneducated anyway!  I will say that having a group of friends who now randomly gift each other keeps life interesting.  Sometimes we know the gift-giver and sometimes we don't.  That part is fun!  

      This was my first friend party since childhood!  It was just what I needed 
            this year!  Thanks to my spiritual momma for making this happen!

God has brought additional spiritual mommas in my path since the summer.  To my surprise, they all text like a bunch of teen girls!  They share verses and Truth.  They make me laugh and check in on me.  One super quiet pastor's wife even listens to TMac, so she went up a point on my "She's All That" scale!!  Maybe one day I'll blog about these ladies too!  In my free time...

Some HUGE highlights of December 2018:
1) Joey got baptized on Dec. 16!  This special day made my eyes "sweat" a tiny bit.  My mom was able to go to church with us this morning.  We had our church family crowded in the back. And my amazing in-laws SURPRISED us by just showing up...as if they just happened to be in the neighborhood SIX HOURS AWAY FROM HOME!  It was definitely a day to remember  You can watch his baptism at the link below.
http://www.firstcolleyville.com/baptisms#!/swx/pp/media_archives/297342/episode/76673

2) Russ and I celebrated 14 years of marriage on Dec. 18!  Our school and lock Karate business offered a date night where we could drop the kids off to learn self-defense, eat dinner, and watch a movie.  Then, my hubby took me out to a favorite Italian restaurant that we haven't had a chance to visit in months!  Such a sweet treat...and yes, I shared my dessert!

Ok, I'm chasing squirrels like my spiritual momma "Shrenda", so stay tuned for more adventures of our family in 2019.  I'd like to say I'll do better about blogging, but I'm not sure that's a reliable statement.  After all, I'm "yearbook staff" for my kids' school.  I love love love that opportunity.  I use it be funny and gift others, so it's fun to me.  Oh, and I love pictures!!  Things are better at home with the kids since the summer.  I've been seeing a counselor to help me sift through the things of my childhood - both good and bad - that have made me who I am today.  The communication is improving in our marriage and we're actively working together to make life better! 

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy."

Psalm 126:3

Are Those Eggs on the Street?

As we've been teaching our kids this months about acts of kindness, it hit me today.  We're 6 days in and it's becoming more clear how these little acts are changing our family.  I'm a little slow to see it sometimes!  So, my question is...what am I teaching my kids?  We're working through acts that don't cost money.  It's things we often overlook (me included).  So, I've been trying to do these acts right along side them.  Some days are harder than others.  And sometimes it's just a matter of perspective to see that it's not as difficult as I initially envisioned.  

My friend, Tera, is facing a very serious diagnosis...for the second time in her young life.  She was a teacher before the C word hit.  She was and still is a mother.  No illness can take that away!  I remember asking her in the past about different teaching techniques to use at home.  And I still pick her brain when it comes to parenting a certainly little girl in our home.  When she was diagnosed with cancer just over a year ago, Tera's world was rocked in a big way.  She faced an unusual cancer discovered in an unusual way.  Her sweet momma said this about her...

"Leave it to my Tera to be atypical - but then she always 

has been and she's always been a fighter and I praise God 

she's His before mine and that He holds her in His hands."

She was forced to give up teaching.  It's something she's gifted at doing.  She donated some of her supplies to another teacher and some she packed up to use at home. Did it hurt to leave her classroom for the last time as the teacher?  Oh, I bet it did, but she did it.  She left her classroom behind because it's what was best for her family and her health.  Did she give up teaching all together?  Nope!  God had already given her 2 little cuties to parent with her amazing husband.  And they have been teaching those 2 littles together for all of their young lives.  

The youngest cutie is quite the deep thinker.  In fact, Tera shared that he asked if someone threw eggs on the road.  If you look closely at the yellow reflectors in the street, they're adhered with white cement that spreads out around the reflector.  I see reflectors, but this little one sees eggs!  His mind...it's almost overwhelmingly creative.  Their oldest is a quiet little girl who throws her momma for a loop sometimes, but is so sweet and gentle too.  I joke with my friend that naps are for her sanity and their safety.  Maybe that part is truth disguised as a joke.  But my friend knows when to soak in the tender moments with her kids and be intentional.  One morning, Tera texted to say that she had been awake thinking about her future and her health.  And then a few texts later, she said her sweet girl had come in to cuddle and that's where she would be for awhile.  Also, Tera has been intentional with her husband too.  They make the most of every opportunity together even if it involves working on the farm and plowing fields, literally!

This is what I've learned from Tera since her initial diagnosis:
1)  Keep your circle small in the beginning.  Sometimes you have to do this to avoid rumors or confusion, but sometimes you have to do it to protect those closest to you.  If you have deep thinkers that see "eggs" on the road, you know you have to be careful about what information is shared and when.

2)  Be honest about your struggles, but still continue to check on those around you.  More than once, I'll get a text asking about my day or my marriage or my parents.  She's still checking in on me, which means she's likely checking in on others too.  

3)  Be intentional and make the most of every opportunity.  Don't give up teaching your kids.  You may not have a classroom at a school, but you do have an audience wherever you go.  Cuddles are even teaching moments too!  If your hubby is as awesome as Tera's, you'll go on a date day after doctors' appointments.  Remember?  Be intentional.  Just to brag on her husband, Lee has come out fighting when insurance coverage arose.  He's a farmer with boxing gloves on...except he would never hit anyone.  Ever. 

4)  Leave a legacy.  It may be in pictures or words or activities, but find out what works for your family.  Tera hasn't let this disease steal her sense of adventure and wonder.  Her kids are little.  She knows that Christmas lights and music speak to them.  She knows her audience well.  And I've learned from Tera too that it's not about making scrapbooks with the pictures.  The memories are implanted in the mind and the pictures can remind. Someone else can plug pictures into a scrapbook later while Tera's out chasing her kids on their next adventure!  I do remind her to take pictures though!

5)  Know the Truth, but also never give up.  Tera knows the medical side of her diagnosis.  She probably knows just enough to scare herself.  But she also knows the Truth that God will heal her one way or another.  And she's not giving up. She's just honest some days that it's overwhelming and scary.  That doesn't mean she'll cancel her child's birthday party for fear of germs.  It just means she's keep a bubble around herself to limit germs.  She also knows the One who made her and hears her prayers and will eventually heal.  I'm praying and believing for more years here on earth!

6) Also, laugh.  If you can't laugh, find someone who can make you laugh.  Tera let's me be that person for her sometimes.  I can turn pretty much anything in to a sarcastic joke.  I have to reign it in some days, but for the most part, I think she laughs at my jokes.  For example, when one of our friends said her labs (blood work) were good, I replied with a picture of my lab (dog)!  Tera can dish it out too.  She sent me this. She told me which one made her think of me.

Tera's illness has not be wasted on me.  It's actually grown my prayer life.  And if begging the Lord for a friend's life out loud is "acceptable", then I've been "acceptable" quite a bit lately.  She has touched way more lives than mine and I doubt she even knows that at times.  Much like my spiritual parents, I'm watching and learning from her.  Tera's barely younger than me, but definitely taller.  So, I can call her my sister...not big sister, but maybe wise, taller sister!  I still have so much more to learn from her.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he 

will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; 

do not be discouraged."

Deut. 31:8

Shrenda, Come Back! Don't chase that Squirrel!

Trust and Squirrels

One of the most important things I've learned from Shrenda over the years is trust.  Because I know I can trust her, I also know I can trust what she says.  Shrenda has told me most recently:

1.  Set boundaries.
2.  Keep unity in your marriage.
3.  Take care of your kids before taking care of others

The list could go on and on, but we'll start with those.  You know how Shrenda knows so much?  Because she knows the one who is Truth...the Lord!  She is quick to point me back to Him in any situation.  

1.  Setting boundaries is healthy.  If you run yourself down, you're no good to anyone.  If you try to help every single person that has needs, you'll never be able to care for them fully because you'll spread yourself thin.  Also, you may end up taking on the role that someone else was purposed for.

2.  Once you're married, you are one.  It's about working together.  We tell our kids often "we're a team", which drives them nuts sometimes.  We may not always sleep under the same roof or go to bed at the same time, but we can strive for unity in many others ways.  Good communication can even lead to unity, which is good for me because I love words and my hubby hears words well!

3.  Taking care of your little family is important.  I get side tracked sometimes and I try to help people in foreign lands and forget my own little three.  I prayed to have lots of children  but sometimes I forget to focus on my 3 answers to prayer.  That may be putting a note in their lunch or looking them in the eye for a 5 minute conversation on pirates, video games, and making jewelry (all things I know absolutely nothing about).  It's the little things in life...for real!

Squirrels
As for squirrels, that's more of an inside joke.  Slim Billion has known Shrenda since he saw her beautiful golden locks at the bus stop.  I think that was back in the 80's, but I'm not certain!  Anyway, Shrenda gets caught up in a bunch of things and her mind gets distracted easily.  Sound like anyone you know?  

One thing I can say about Shrenda and chasing multiple ideas at the same time, is that she still points things back to the Lord.  It may a cookie party or home decor.  It may be an illness or swimming.  She has a way of knowing how those things fit in the details of life.  And she knows the Giver of life, so she can point anyone back to Him.  Even in her illness, she points people to the Lord.  Does she do it with tears?  Sometimes.  Does she do it with laughter?  Yep.  Does Shrenda do it with gifts? You bet.  That's the thing about truth...it doesn't change!  So, no matter situations we're facing, there's Truth to be found.  Sometimes it takes longer to see it.  Sometimes it's painful to get there.  And sometimes we may laugh so hard we can't catch our breath.  

Birthday Party
My sweet Shrenda hosted a birthday party for me this year on the day SHE HAD A MEDICAL PROCEDURE!  This lady.  Again, she trusted that it would happen, even if Slim had to cook dinner.  And we all know Slim would've rather been learning Hebrew than cooking dinner for a bunch of girls that want to talk about potty training, gift ideas, and swings.  Shrenda knew that my momma was unable to host a party and that my own little family was struggling with the added stress of caring for my parents.  Also, the last friend party I remember was at McDonald's.  

Sorry!  I didn't have time to conceal identities.  Still no one knows which 

girl is Shrenda!  For fun, there's a teacher, a creative mind, a therapist, 

a nurse, a preschool teacher, a momma, and a sarcastic funny girl.  Just realized 

there's a shirt maker missing from the picture! See if you can figure it out!

Funny thing is that this party was far from what anyone expected.  Some fiends were afraid to come because their lives had changed so drastically.  But one friend even drove an hour to see us!  And you know what?  The party was AMAZING!!  In typical Shrenda fashion, she coined this group of ladies a funny name because of life's challenges.  Thankfully laughter was a big part of the evening.  So, thanks to squirrels and Shrenda, I had an amazing evening!  Also, my sweet husband cared for our kiddos so I could enjoy the evening!  There's that unity and caring for the kids Shrenda talked about!!  I could go on for days...

If anyone sees Shrenda, please don't tell her that I think I'm so much like her.  And if you know Slim, pray for him!  He loves his wife so big, but mostly he's gonna need some running to shoes to keep up with Shrenda.  She's going places in life!  I can see Slim chasing her while yelling "what else?"  

"For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does." 

Psalm 33:4

To Quote "Slim Billion"...

To Quote Slim Billion: What else?

We know a world famous teacher who likes to ask “what else".  Whether it's at home, at the grocery store, in a Sunday school room, or anywhere else...it's a valid question. It gets us thinking, especially when hearing and seeing what God is doing. He sometimes gives direct commandments, such as “do not steal” and “do not commit adultery”, but other times He's more subtle.  That's where Slim comes in with his reminder question.  You see, he tries to disguise it as a simple question, but he knows the Lord will use it to get us thinking.  Sadly, it takes some people (finger pointing at myself) to really understand the question.  Then, I zacar Slim's teachings and it all makes more sense.

Let me introduce you to Slim and his wife Shrenda.  This is an older picture and their identities have been concealed to protect the innocent (Shrenda in this case).

Then, there’s the instructions to go tell others about Him and go care for widows and orphans. That's where my November posts were headed and God totally derailed that!  It was never about the children we adopted.  It was a heart change so much deeper.  Again, I was slow to get that.  Um...at least 3 years slow!  Honestly, I still don't get all that the Lord has instructed in those verses.  Maybe Slim and Shrenda will be able to help that.  In fact sometimes Shrenda does call me out or remind me and then she asks...

"Oh no!  Was I too harsh?  Are we still friends?  Did I hurt your feelings?"  

Back to Slim...I'm sure Slim has talked about (in his own little way) how you wouldn’t lead some to a foreign land and then just leave them there without a map.  You wouldn't give someone a dream without some way or interpreting it.  And hopefully you wouldn't give someone a smart mind to think and no wise counsel to understand it.  

It’s the same for adoption, family challenges, or illness.  It's the same for the good stuff too, like blessings of money, unexpected new friends, and getting a new puppy.  Slim's question is still applicable...

"What else?"

Slim and Shrenda are facing a pretty serious health situation, but they are believing the Truth they've always known.  They've even been obedient to change church homes, which makes absolutely no sense to the average person.
That means their meeting all new friends in the midst of the this new health challenge.  You know what?  Slim has been asking if he can teach a class at this new church.  If life truly is the church with no walls (reportedly said by famous Pastor John Meador), then we should all be watching and learning from Slim.  I am, but not in a creepy way.   By the way, Pastor John is amazing too!  We've known John and Kim for a few years now.  I thought about changing their names too, but I'm starting to get these imaginary names mixed up in my sleepy head!

There's so much more to learn from them both.  Shrenda is super smart too, but she chases squirrels and asks if she's hurting my feelings too often.  I'll tell more about her later.  Maybe tomorrow 'cause she's my spiritual momma and I'm making something special for her tonight!  

Momma, if you're reading this...do you prefer chocolate or pumpkin?  Wait...I already know the answer to that!!!  Can I just combine the 2?  

Kim, I know you'll read this soon enough.  You've become a faithful friend.  So, where is your favorite verse again?  Psalm 3 or Proverbs 3?  Hee Hee!

"Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant."

Joshua 1:9

Part 4: They're Everywhere

Ok.  One more "fake friend" and then I'll move on...

It's still fascinating to me how God knits our families together with other families!

Fake Friend: Amanda Botswana
I call her "Amanda Botswana" because I have too many adoptive friends named Amanda, according to Russ. Amanda was serving in Botswana when we initially connected.  Funny thing is that after a short stint in Houston, God took her and her family back to Botswana.  I never even got to meet her when we were in the same state.  One day...

Remember how my friend Amanda (see?  Too many Amanda's already) took a gift to Samuel before we ever held him.  Yeah, God gave us that same opportunity for Wei Wei.  We got to experience the same joy of sending pictures to another waiting family. We were able to pay it forward and it kinda paid it backwards to us too.  Funny how that works!  I wonder if Amanda knows that I sometimes I forget her last name because it's "Botswana" in our home!

Photo credit: Christopher Visuals

This Amanda has become a faithful friend too.  We may go months between emails because we simply get too busy to reply to one another, but I know she's there.  And when we do reconnect, it's like we just pick up where we left off.  She has been a great encouragement to me.  Her words of honesty have come back to ring in my ear often.  God has definitely used her to heal my own heart while I've struggled to bond with Stella.  Get this, she started a Facebook group to support the families adopting through our same agency.  Yep!!  She's all about adoption too.  I love that she has taken it as a privilege and a responsibility to encourage other families along the way.  I go weeks or months without looking at the FB group, yet Amanda somehow keeps up with each new family that is adopting.  And she adds them.  And then comments to welcome them.  She's just being a vessel to encourage other adoptive families because God has given her that passion...all the way from another country!

We have real friends too. I Promise.
When you're in the adoption world and you literally walk the road of adoption with another family; you're just bonded for life.  There's no other way around it.  It's like being in the delivery room with a dear friend for the birth of your child. And their child.  At the same time.  Kinda weird, hu?

Shannon and I first connected when our older sons were in kindergarten together.  Samuel had recently come home from China, but that wasn't yet the time Shannon's heart towards adoption started growing.  Our friendship has changed over the years.  I didn't realize until much later that God had used our adoption of Stella to spur Shannon and her family towards adoption.  Looking back now, knowing how I've struggled so much with Stella, it's almost comical that God would use THAT adoption to encourage Shannon's family.  If she could've only know my heart and my thoughts, it might've scared my friend away from adopting.  For someone who struggles to keep her words to herself, it's kind of like a miracle that I didn't ruin what was about to transpire.  

Shannon has been honest with her own struggles, again even those beyond adoption.  She has calmed me and spoken truth more times than I can count.  Our texts outnumber the stars in the sky, I think.  And her kids, I love them like my own.  Annika (her daughter from China) probably thinks I stalk her.  I see her at school, at her house, at the park, pretty much anywhere.  Perhaps when kids think moms have eyes in the back of their head, it could just be that there are mom spies everywhere with a full charged cell phone ready to text any mishap!  

To think the God can use me in one of my ugliest times (while I struggled to love my own child), is humbling!  The fact that I kept my mouth shut long enough so as not to scare Jay and Shannon away from adoption, is a miracle in itself!  Our adoptions and honestly has just bonded us even tighter!

"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there 

is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Proverbs 18:24

Where's My Gift?

Today is Orphan Sunday...a day we bring recognition to those without parents.  According to the actual definition, it doesn't give an age range.  Anyone can be an orphan. It's not a word designated for those children living in foster care or orphanages.  It's not just those children aging out of foster care with no family of their own.  Literally, anyone can be an orphan.  What does God say about orphans?  

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: 

to look after orphans and widows in their distress and 

to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

James 1:27

What's really funny is that I started out my thoughts on orphans to highlight how people poured into our adoption journey, how we met special friends on this journey, how others can come along side a family adopting.  It's becoming more and more apparent that my friend Amanda was right when she said that perhaps adoption is about healing our own hearts.  It's about the changes God will make in our own lives if we just walk the road of adoption (in any aspect).  It's not so much about changing the life of an orphan.  That part is expected.  What is unexpected is the the change that comes when we pour into others.  It's the change that comes when we pray for a family waiting to meet their child.  It's the change that comes when we humble ourselves to accept help or prayer from others, sometimes strangers.  Maybe God told us to care for orphan (and the poor and the widows and the lost) because in doing that, He make unexpected changes in our own lives!

Want to see my children who are orphans no more?  We celebrated my birthday today, which makes this day even more special.  God reminds me again of 2 of the greatest gifts he's ever given me.  Make that 3, because He tells us that children are a gift.  All 3 of my kids are a huge gift that the Lord uses to shape my own life.  So, they're like gifts that keep on giving.  

"Children are a gift from the Lord;

    they are a reward from him."

Psalm 127:3

If I want to get technical about gifts, I could talk all day on that concept.  Gifts don't have to be new or expensive or deemed important by someone else.  I have a house full of gifts, including my husband who adores me!  I have 2 more gifts in Texas that weren't here in town last year...my parents.  I got to see both of them on my birthday.  My mom gifted us by eating lunch with us (one of her favorite meals that is quite delicious).  My dad got me a card for my birthday and seemed so proud that even with his Alzheimer's, he was able to get me a card.  Talk about gifts!  Today has been full of gifts.  I've been flooded with hugs, cards (sent snail mail and arrived on time), texts, messages, and so much more.  A friend from elementary school texted to say a whole bunch of really nice things.  I received cookies that were accompanied by some amazing artwork, which included the death star.  Stella wrote me a book (literally a 5 pages card) and performed a Stella-original solo act.  I'll try to forget that she revealed may age in the song! My spiritual parents offered me a comfy seat and lots of love during church this morning. And they're not even finished yet.  I may not be on their monetary payroll, but I'm on their payroll for many others gifts!  I could go on and on!  

I love my momma something fierce!

My kids love their Hoo Hoo so big

Paw Paw is a gift to these kiddos!

He is still amazed with selfies.   Such a fun time with him!

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming 

down from the Father of the heavenly lights, 

who does not change like shifting shadows."

James 1:17

And now, I'm off to dream about the celebration for Veteran's Day tomorrow.  Our veterans are a gift too, and some don't even realize that...  

She's Just One Lady

Speaking of tiny possibilities, she's just one lady.  Her frame might be small, but she is making big differences in the lives of children.  And what is even amazing, this is just her government-assigned job!  It's not even her choice!

She's Just One Lady We first saw Nanny Z on January 13, 2014 around 2:34pm.  Honestly, I don't remember even seeing her that day.  Russ met her because he had the opportunity to ask her questions about Samuel as I tried desperately to calm him.  I remember asking Russ what Nanny Z said about Samuel and how to pronounce his name correctly.  But all I remember Russ saying is how she had been crying since that morning and she was sobbing when he tried to talk to her.  Sobbing?  Really?  For a child she met at her work?  It's probably a good thing that Russ was the one meeting with her and not me.  He has a way of not hugging complete strangers and making them feel weird (like Michael Scott weird).  Russ is pretty great like that!

Looking back, I realized I had never once stopped to really consider her feelings.  I had never thought to pray for her broken heart.  It had never crossed my mind that maybe her world was being shattered at the same time as Samuel's.  We had been encouraged to pray for our child and his transition, but never once do I remember anyone telling me I should be praying for this employee.  I thought she was just a worker. This sweet lady I have grown to love more over the years.  I see the fruits of her labor every single day when I hold my Samuel.  I hear her gentle words when Samuel tells me he loves me.  I see her broken heart when I look at the pictures from our trip in 2014 and in 2015.  We talk about her openly at home.  In fact, I make sure to keep her memory alive because she is a gift to our family.  

I don't know if Nanny Z knows Jesus.  Not only is there a language barrier, but I have never had an opportunity to ask her.  What I do know is that I can love her for Jesus.  In fact, I'm fairly certain I scared her when I hugged her in 2014.  Like, I hugged her a lot. Remember, Russ is the one that knows how to avoid awkward hugs with strangers.  Not me.  Then, when we saw her again in 2015 for Stella's adoption, I hugged her again a lot.  In fact, I leaned in and told her "I love you" when we left for the last time.  Again, awkward hugs are my thing!  I thought I heard her say it back to me, but maybe it was my imagination.  Or maybe she was whispering that I was in her personal space bubble.  Either way, I never want her to question whether she did a good job caring for our Samuel.  I hope she has a confidence that she matters, even if only to 1 family.  

We've been "friends" since January of 2017, but much longer in reality.  This is just the first time it became official.  I honestly don't even remember how we found each other last year.  I do know that it made my heart very happy!  And I have to believe she feels the same.  That first day we connected, I sent her 5 pictures.  The next day we sent audio and written message and 8 more pictures.  I laugh now, but I asked her (through the app translation) to send a picture of herself so I could confirm it was her.  Like some random person would be exchanging messages with a Texan on the other side of the globe.  That picture she sent still makes me sad, because it's just her.  No one else appears to be in the room.  Over the past 23 months, not once has Nanny Z posted a picture of herself or her with another person.  Not even once.  

Each and every time I send her a picture of Samuel or Stella, she comments.  Every single time.  We try to converse with the app translation, but I'm not confident that it's 100% accurate.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, I'd rather communicate in a way that I know is accurate!  

These are conversations we just had last week.  Obviously, she still loves our kiddos.  I wonder how many other adoptive families she has contact with.  I may never know the answer to that, but I'm glad we have contact wit her.  I will tell you that I hope to see Nanny Z again one day.  It's not a secret, so you don't have to worry if Russ already knows.  I fully expect to hug her again. A LOT.  I don't want her to ever doubt her impact because she makes a big difference in our family, even to this day!  It goes to show that anyone can make a difference.  Maybe it's a smile or the gentle way you care for a child.  It doesn't matter if it's your passion or even your choice.  God can use you.  Again, adoption is not just about taking an orphan home.  It's about making a difference in some else's life.  It just might be a ripple effect!

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

Galatians 5:6

Part 3: Is There a Tiny Possibility?

If there's even the tiniest possibility that God put us together for His good, these just might be the connections with my "fake friends".  He can use each of us in the most unexpected ways!


Fake Friend: Amanda

This picture of Samuel was taken by a complete stranger who is now one of my closest fake friends.  Russ and I jokingly call her a "fake friend" because I've never actually met Amanda in person, BUT I know she's real.  I've seen a picture of her in a video with our Samuel.  God connected us before we each completed our first adoptions.  That was right about 5 years ago.  Right, Amanda?  Her son, James, is from the same orphanage that our 2 littles are from.  We call them Huizhou siblings.  And I now call Amanda one of my greatest friends.  She has spoken Truth to me when I felt like giving up.  She has been painfully honest about the hard times in her family’s adoptions, that at times stretch far beyond adoption itself.  She took a gift to our Samuel before we even got a chance to hold him.  Funny how we've yet to meet.  And if we never meet on this earth, I'm so very thankful that Heaven has no end.  We might be talking constantly for all eternity.  We'll try to keep it down, but we can't promise anything! 

'

This family picture was taken before sweet Wave 

was added to their family.

Momma and her little girl

Amanda just reminded me of something last week.  To quote her, she said "It really isn't that much about the kids, is it?  It's about our own healing."  

Fake Friend: Mandy
I saw Mandy and her husband when we first walked in the hotel restaurant.  I remember being drawn to them because they were holding their baby girl, Lila.  I guess I shouldn't have been surprised given that many American adoptive families go through this one hotel.  I noticed that Lila had a cleft lip and I was intrigued especially since we had cleft lip bottles for orphanage donations.  As we talked, Mandy let me interact with Lila, which I thought was a no-no at the time.  She was so gracious.  Not only did Mandy come to ask the hard question "how's your marriage", but she warned me that there might be some depression after adoption.  In fact, she told me that's it's normal and common.  I couldn't figure out why she was being so bold with that information to a complete stranger.  And while I didn't experience depression with Samuel, God knew those days were coming.  I bet Mandy didn't even know that she was speaking truth I would need to hear almost 2 years later for our adoption of Stella.  Now, here we are 4 1/2 years later still encouraging each other.  In fact, Mandy is the one who hosted a book fundraiser to help fund Stella's adoption.

Mandy's beautiful girls, Grace and Lila

Fake Friend: Stephanie
Remember that fierce Daddy Russ that worked hard to ensure out Samuel would be OUR SON?  While looking at the waiting child list each month, one little girl "Katie" grabbed my heart.  I finally talked Russ into looking at her file.  What I didn't know is that another momma was trying to wait patiently for her husband to look at Katie's file too.  Actually, I think they had looked at her file, but he wasn't ready to commit.  Just the mention that someone else is trying to adopt YOUR child and will light a fire under any parent.  That's what happened.  Stephanie told me later that once her husband realized other families were looking at Katie's file, he realized she was to be their daughter.  Katie's momma became a dear friend after I saw her post about Katie on FB a few years ago.  There's nothing creepy about a random stranger messaging to ask about your soon-to-be adopted daughter, right?  See, even Facebook can be used for good!  Stephanie and I have never met, but she and I connected and clicked.  Stephanie has been a great source of encouragement in my bonding with Stella.  She has answered my weird messages about difficult attachment.  She never once made me feel stupid or inadequate as a mom.  She continues to do quite the opposite!  She has become my go-to with Stella questions.

Katie is the little girl in the middle.  She's now Ellie.  Stephanie and her 

husband brought home their son first and then added an 

older daughter after Katie came home.  

I know God can accomplish whatever He sees as good and praise-worthy without any help from me or my family.  He says we're dust in fact.  But if there's any way at all that He could've used us to help give Amanda a moment of purpose for delivering our gift or helped Mandy see the her words are life-changing or helped bring Katie to her forever home, I'm so very thankful to play even the tiniest role!  He lets us do that when we just say "yes".

"For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we 

are but dust.  As for man, his days are like grass; as a 

flower of the field, so he flourishes  When the wind has 

passed over it, it is no more; and it's 

place acknowledges it no longer."

Psalm 103:14-16

Pause: Am I a foot or a hand?

Let me just pause for a moment so I can catch my breath.  Let's talk about ways you can support adoption apart from inviting an orphan into your home.  You don't have to give a single penny either.  I used to think those were the ONLY ways to support.  It's not!  The possibilities are endless!

Ways to Support Adoption
1) Pray for a family considering adoption.  Sometimes families are considering adoption and get so scared they can't move forward for weeks or months or even years. You think we'd be able to do this without prayer?  Not a chance.  It's frightening!  Sometimes adoptive families get too busy with the paperwork and the next step that we forget to pray.  True!  

2) Help with or participate in fundraisers.  Buy an adoption shirt from a family.  We sold notecards.  There are Facebook groups that are set up for the sole purpose of fundraising for adoptions!  Seriously!  Offer to host a book sale or really any kind of product.  We had a friend who hosted an Usborne book fundraiser for Stella's adoption.

Side note: Can I tell you how humbling it is to have others give and support?  The funny thing is that God provided financially in big ways.  It was a gift to know others WANTED to help.  They were looking for ways to help.  It took a God-move to tear down our pride enough to ALLOW others to help us.  We're so silly sometimes.  Pride does a lot of bad stuff, but God chisels away at our hearts, thankfully.  

3) Ask about the adoption journey.  It can be one of the loneliest and most isolating times in a family's life.  Sometimes I was just sad that our kids were "stuck" in another country. The steps never moved fast enough for us.  I see now that God was working in the waiting, but during that wait...it's hard.  Ask to see updated pictures.  Ask how the paperwork is going.  Ask about their marriage.  Your questions might be the encouragement the adoptive parents need that day!  If you're uncomfortable verbally asking a question, send a text or send a card.  Just ask.  

4) Take a meal or send a gift card.  Any addition to the family is an adjustment. Whether it's a newborn or a teenager, adjustment is adjustment.  People have to eat though!!  I can speak for those suffering jet lag.  Oy!  Jetlag is no joke!  I have never been up cooking breakfast at 2am until our adoptions.  Both adoptions!  With a 13 hour time difference, these kids (me included) were hungry in the middle of the night once we got home.  So, that makes for a strange evening.  I felt like curling up in a wooden kitchen chair for a quick nap right about dinner prep time.  Russ took Melatonin to get back on schedule quickly because one of us had to go back to work and make some money.  He drew the short straw on that one!!  I remember a few evenings where I cooked dinner, fed the kids, left it on the stove for Russ, and was in bed by 5:30pm!  If cooking isn't your think, buy a gift card for a family. I promise, they won't care which restaurant you choose as long as it serves food!

5) Never underestimate your role in adoption.  Russ was just talking to our kids the other night about 1 Corinthians 12 where it talks about each person having a specific role.  We talk about that a lot at our house because some people don't like to empty the trash.  And we have to remind this little person that we each have a role in this family.  That goes for the adoption community too.  Not everyone is called to adopt.  That's ok.  Some are called to adopt twice or three times or even more.  You don't have to share the last name with a waiting child to support adoption.  And you don't have to give thousands of dollars either.  

I have to brag on my "Paper Person".  I was in charge of taking pictures and documenting our adoptions, hence the many books I've made and the blog posts.  Russ did the big stuff.  He did the really important stuff, the legal stuff that actually helped bring our kids home.  Russ filled out multiple forms that required the same information over and over.  He kept it all neatly organized.  He responded to emails and checked the status of our adoption on-line.  He stayed up late and got up early to get these steps taken care of quickly.  I got the fluff part of the adoption.  Russ did the serious stuff that actually brought our kids home.  If not for him, we'd have a few nice books of our adoption process, but not one child would be home yet!  

This is one of my favorites of my Paper Person just being a 

dad...something he's really really good at doing!

Beach picture 2017

The list of ways to help could go on and on, but you get the idea.  There's room for everyone to be a foot or a hand or even a paper person!  

"There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up 

one body. It is the same with Christ. We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. 

And so we are formed into one body. It didn’t matter whether we 

were Jews or Gentiles, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink. So the body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts."

1 Corinthians 12:12-14