Happy 3 Months to our Family of 4!
A stranger looking in on our lives might assume that Samuel was born into our family. Not because his olive skin favors his mommy's. Not even because he runs with such ease into his daddy's arms at the end of the day. This guy acts like he's always been with us. He is one of us. I'm baffled and completely amazed!
In evaluating Samuel's comfort and attachment to us, there are a few ways we can tell a difference since we first met on January 13...
Brothers will be brothers. There are many kisses these days. The giggles and tickles far out number the tears. Pestering is becoming more common though. No doubt, Super Brother is no longer thought of as a guest, but part of the family. Not that there's more irritation between the boys; there seems to be a greater level of comfort. Great comfort! Samuel has learned to let his guard down and just be a little brother. He's a natural. Don't let Samuel's size fool you though! Initially, Samuel wasn't possessive. Really, he still isn't much. Sure, he tends to be drawn to the very toy Joey possesses. He's 2. In the beginning, he never had a problem handing a car to his brother when requested. But now...oh, things are different. Samuel is not shy to fight back. He does not usually initiate sharing. He doesn't seem to instigate quarrels either. But, Samuel is confident to stand his ground. He's not afraid to protect his Lego tower. And he's not afraid to hold tight to a valued Star Wars figure. He's also quick to tell on Joey, which is pretty hilarious. And even on those days filled with "heated discussions" between the boys, I can still peak around a corner to find them reading a book together or building the train tracks. I quietly spy a moment when Joey offers his brother a snack from his bowl.
Brothers reading a book together
A fun day at the zoo
Samuel became comfortable with affection early on. I remember that during our time in China, I was shocked at Samuel's willingness to give a kiss here or there. He was selective at that time and still is. It's funny that within the past 2-3 weeks, Samuel will now firmly grab my cheeks and give me a big smooch. Sometimes the hands are sticky. Sometimes the face is covered with chocolate (yep, he is his mother's boy). He has pretty much perfected the bear hug too - that tight squeeze that says "you're mine". He's sincere and sweet. We all gladly welcome the love.
Who wouldn't want a big hug from this cutie?
You know, we read articles and watched webinars on attachment and bonding. It was required for the adoption. And for that we are thankful. It forced upon us an insight into the importance and challenges of a strong bond. The possible scenarios and outcomes were overwhelming. I'll admit, the worst case scenarios are the ones that burrowed into my mind. We've tried our best to follow the professional's recommendations to ensure the best connection with our little one. We stuck by Samuel's side almost constantly for the first 4-6 weeks after we met. I've carried him in the carrier countless hours (and still do sometimes). We gradually exposed him to friends in calm situations and looked at pictures together of family members. We've talked about grandparents and talked to grandparents on the phone/computer. SuSu and Big Joe visited us at home the weekend we returned to Texas. Samuel was interested and interactive with them, but still somewhat guarded. Of course, he saw my mom with us in China, although her physical interaction was still limited at that time to allow the 4 of us to bond. And he had not yet met my dad, Paw Paw. Big Joe and SuSu made a trip to visit last weekend. Samuel had been with us for 11 weeks at that point. Being that it was only his second exposure to them in person, I was pleasantly surprised that Samuel was willing to stay with them (and Joey) with parents nowhere in sight. And with my parents in town for Paw Paw to meet Samuel for the first time (apart from their babbling phone "conversations"), I was unsure what to expect. And why would I expect anything different? Our little guy took it all in stride. It's like he has known his grandparents his entire 2 years of life. He didn't hesitate to take Paw Paw's hand in the grocery store and confidently walk around to look at the live fish. We were at the Asian Market...not PetSmart. We are thrilled to see the ease he feels with his family. Still, comfort with friends is coming around slowly and we're ok with that. They're nice folks! It's ok for him to question who he should trust. It's a good sign to know that he's cautious and selective. He's gradually learning to trust our family and recognize our own level of comfort and trust with friends.
Joey continues to grasp and appreciate his role as Big Brother. This guy is serious about his new responsibility. He still refuses to take on the task of changing a diaper though. At least he has his priorities! As with many older siblings, Joey is quick to reprimand Samuel while explaining to me that he's just helping Samuel learn (yeah, yeah). Joey is very concerned with safety. For that, I am thankful! He will quickly (probably moving quicker than I can) stop Samuel from running towards the street. He makes sure that Samuel is with us when walking in a crowd. When out in public, the death grip he has on his brother's hand/arm tells others that he is protecting and guiding his little brother. It's not a tight grip that Samuel refuses, but a respected hold that he (usually) recognizes will keep him safe. It helps this momma breathe a little easier too! Joey is quick to irritate by spraying Samuel in the face with water...there's obviously still that level of "brotherly love"! Gotta keep the game going!
This guy is proud to be a big brother.
Talk about an awesome God! Only He could bond a family in this way! Only He could give this little boy the peace and comfort in redemption. Both Joey and Samuel's have amazing stories of how God brought them into our family. And we are blessed to witness His great work in their lives.
The screaming and tears of Gotcha Day
1 Month a Webb
2 Months a Webb
3 Months a Webb
Samuel continues to be a lively, giggly, determined little boy. He brings such joy and laughter! Would his birth parents find a peace to know that he's happy and fully engaged in his forever family? I wish we could somehow give their hearts the peace of knowing that he's not only loved and happy, but thriving. Praying that maybe one day...
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