A Place Called "Home" (1/17/14)

After an almost 3 hour van ride, we arrived at the place Samuel called home for several months before moving to the most recent orphanage. We are grateful for the opportunity to see the place where our little guy lived and a little saddened at the same time. We weren’t able to look inside, but seeing the outside was enough for me. We snapped a few pictures there before continuing to the most recent orphanage, where Samuel has lived for about 3 months. It’s new. It’s clean. I’m not sure what I expected. The building itself was clean, white, sterile in appearance…unlike any “home” I’ve ever seen. They are proud of this new building and I’ll admit it was rather nice. There was a room where babies and young children are observed as soon as they arrive at the orphanage. There were rooms filled with metal cribs and sleeping children as it was nap time when we arrived. There was a room with walkers and a few other riding toys. We saw a concrete outside patio area on the 2nd floor, which was the outside play area. No cool shade, but in the direct sunlight. It didn’t resemble any bedroom, play room, or backyard play area I had ever observed. Still, it’s all our little guy has known.

 Our view from the van on the way to the orphanage

In front of the old orphanage

The building wasn’t the part that worried me. It was Samuel and his nanny reuniting that caused a little anxiety. Seeing how Samuel screamed for a full hour when we first met him on Gotcha Day, our guide suggested that I put Samuel in the carrier and not allow his nanny to hold him. The screaming was a good thing meaning he had bonded with someone.  It meant he would likely have a little easier time attaching to us.  I was very much aware of her concern though…possibly causing a 2nd scream fest when he was separated from his nanny again. I was worried about the same thing! I also felt a huge heaviness in my own heart for this sweet nanny. As Russ asked detailed questions of her on Gotcha Day just 4 days earlier, she was sobbing. It was obvious she loves our Samuel. In my mind, I wasn’t sure how I would feel later knowing we had denied her one last chance to hold our sweet boy. I was torn.  I wrestled with the scenario in my mind and asked God how to best handle that situation. Once we arrived at the orphanage and Samuel’s nanny spotted us, I knew. I saw her red eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t walk away that day without giving her the chance for one last hug. For a split second, I felt as if I was taking her baby away. She knows that being part of a family is best for him, but I imagine it’s still a heart wrenching process for her to watch. We saw her for a moment and then walked to another area.

The new orphanage

We made our way to the director’s office to drop off donations before going to see Samuel’s bedroom and playroom. Then, it was upstairs where we saw his nanny again. We took a few pictures together and then I quickly loosened the straps on the carrier. She helped me untie the straps. She was obviously anxious to hold our baby boy. And he wasn’t fearful of going to her, but he didn’t seem extremely excited either. I wonder what his little mind was thinking. She only held him for a couple minutes before she asked him where his mama was…he put his arms out for me. I breathed a deep sigh of relief. It was proof we had bonded. As Russ put it, I think it was a relief for us all. His nanny knew he was being loved and cared for. As his parents, we knew that good things were happening in our relationship. We are bonding!

Us with Samuel's nanny - the kind woman 

who has poured lots of love into our little guy's life

We walked a little farther to take more pictures. Some older girls from the orphanage spotted Samuel and called out his Chinese name. We had seen pictures hanging on the wall of children waiting for families. I’ll admit the board of pictures wasn’t as large as I had expected, but I realize too that it didn’t include the older children living at the orphanage. Where were their pictures? They need families too. That fact tugged at our hearts. For me, it may have been the most upsetting part of our visit.

I had strapped Samuel in the carrier before we had finished our tour. He seemed comfortable and completely calm. He didn’t seem bothered at all as we left that orphanage…his “home”…for the last time. What happened on the way back to the hotel was entertaining and quite amazing! He was a different kiddo!

 The child who had remained quiet and guarded for the past 4 days was giggling – really giggling. We had seen a smile here and there, a little more often as the days went on, but not that kind of belly laugh. It was music to our ears! He teased his Daddy with a French fry. They played peek-a-boo. He was eager to get attention from Daddy. Samuel and Joey teased each other and played the Leap Pad together. Samuel had a new look about him - a playful, mischievous smile on his face. It might have had something to do with the 2 hour nap he had on the way to the orphanage. But, I believe he was finally able to fully let his guard down. He had been back to the orphanage and then left shortly with his family. He was on his way home – to a real home where the floors are littered with cars and blocks, where cheeks are smothered in kisses, where an abundance of clothes are crammed into his closet right between the bookshelf and the Little People barn. Samuel knows he’s right where he belongs!

He's right where he belongs!