What to Expect When You’re Expecting…A Toddler From Half a World Away

No, seriously! What should we expect when expecting a toddler. I can’t even answer that question! It seems like decades ago when Joey was 2 years old. Maybe that’s because he talks to me some days like he’s 13. I have forgotten so much! I hope Little Brother won’t be able to tell as I fumble around to figure this out!

Joey's contribution: making sure the suitcases zip 

properly and will withstand the weight limit.

I have to thank our amazing family and friends who have remained prayerful and fully invested in this journey with us. God has been gracious to use our friends to offer encouragement on the rough days and rejoice with us on the hopeful days.  They’ve asked often about our process, what our next step is, and prayed for the details. Adoption and pregnancy are different in so many ways. No one has run up to ask our due date or if we know what we’re having, but to hear “how old is your little boy” or “have you two decided on a name yet” means just as much to these expectant parents.   Here's an excerpt from a blog shared with me.  It might offer a little insight to our family and friends on what to expect from us while we're expecting...

• She loves a child she’s never met - It’s possible. So possible. It’s irrational and crazy but it’s reality. Does she love them like she will once she gets to know them? No. But she loves them. She wakes up loving them and goes to sleep loving them. She drives to the grocery story and aches to have them safe and snug in the carseat waiting for them. She pushes her cart around the store and hears a child cry and her heart pounds wondering if her child is crying? Alone? Hungry? She might even have to leave an entire grocery cart full of food in the yogurt aisle to go home and cry because it just is too hard. Way too hard.

• Her child has been through trauma - If she’s like a lot of moms she won’t be advertising that fact everywhere because she respects her child’s privacy. But children don’t come to the place of needing a second family because they were placed in a cabbage patch by unicorns and leprechauns. Adoption comes from loss. Loss she will see in her child’s eyes and in their heart. Loss that as a mama can make your soul curl up in a ball for an ugly cry. So don’t tell her the kids are lucky. You wouldn’t tell a person who lost an arm that they’re lucky to have a prosthetic one, would you? I mean yeah, they are lucky to have that replacement. But you know what would be luckier? Not losing that arm in the first place. So please be understanding. Also, maybe instead of asking for her child’s story outright ask “are you sharing about his history before you?” That gives her a chance to either answer you or bow out graciously. 

• Adoption isn’t pregnancy - It just isn’t. Well, it is in that at the end of it the hope is to have a new son or daughter in your arms. But I’ve yet to meet a pregnant woman who wonders how old her child will be upon entry into the family. Adoption is different. There is no due date for us. Let that sink in. No due date. And even given preemies and late arrivals with the baby by stork method you have a narrow months-long window of time in which the baby will arrive. That brings us to point number seven.

• She probably doesn’t know when the child is coming home - And she has probably been asked this approximately twelve times that day. Because you, her awesome friends, care about her! And I get it. It’s hard with adoption because you don’t know what to ask. I feel that way with pregnant ladies, like what am I supposed to say? “Your ankles really don’t look that bad do they?” Recently I learned the always safe phrase “you look great – how is baby doing?”, the adoption equivalent is “I know you must miss your kiddos, how is the adoption going?” Or, if you don’t have time to have her break down and cry all over you try the even safer “can I see your latest update pictures?” and then ooh and aww over their cute faces. Even if the pictures are horrible say something positive. I mean I don’t tell people that their sonogram pictures sometimes look like aliens made of bread dough. 

 * This blog post was shared on a group site and I thought it offers great insight if you'd like to read the entire post.  I feel a little more normal now…at least in the adoption world.

Speaking of latest update pictures, here they are!  We received them just a few days ago.  With our agency, they receive growth parameters (height, weight, etc) and updated pictures a few weeks before a family travels to meet their little one.  When we received this "last update" this week, it became real.  More real. We've known that we're going to meet Little Brother soon.  Now, it is clear that the orphanage and our agency are confident in this as well.  Ahhhh!!!!

Aren't those the cutest cheeks ever?  

This Momma can answer for you..."most definitely".

Something of His Very Own

I was beyond thrilled this morning to find a surprise awaiting us on Facebook. There were 5 pictures and a video. You see, they weren’t pictures of a friend's cuddly baby or even pictures of our super cute nephew. They were pictures of our adorable littlest boy. Once my sleepy eyes registered what they were seeing, I felt much like this little monkey. 

Instead of clanging my cymbals, doing flips, 

grinning, and chattering, I was… giggling, 

crying, jumping around, and texting Russ. 

I met a pretty amazing friend through our agency’s Facebook page a few weeks ago. Facebook can be a time-waster for me, but in this case…a blessing. In fact, I talked to Russ so much about her that he probably thought I had reconnected with a long lost sister. After exchanging messages that first day, we soon realized our sons were in the same orphanage. They might even know each other. A and her family would get to travel just a few weeks later to bring their little boy home. You can imagine my excitement and shock when A graciously offered to take a gift to Little Brother. WHAT? Without being able to go to China ourselves, this was the next best thing – knowing that another loving family would hopefully be able to show love to our son.  I pray that we have the opportunity to pass along that blessing to another family waiting to bring their little one(s) home as well.  We can't thank A and her family enough!

In the orphanage, Little Brother likely does not have anything of his very own. Until now. The children appear to be very well cared for and their nannies love them dearly. It’s just that the children share everything. And not that possessions should be a high priority, but to hold a gift made especially for Little Brother just might give him a glimpse of how special he is to us. I’ve prayed that in the moment he received our gifts that God would give him even a tiny warm feeling of love, significance, hope. 

 Look at those cheeks!

 Someone holding up the gifts we sent.

Comparing the picture on the bag to Little Brother?

Hungry guy eating a meal

My heart pounds at the sight of these pictures. It reminds me of the feeling I had when looking at Joey's sonogram pictures, except I don't have to wonder whether I'm seeing a foot or an arm.  I’ve looked at these pictures a million times already. To us this day...with pictures in hand, we feel like we’ve won the grand prize!  God is in the details.

Always and Forever

Sometimes when I really take time to think about Little Brother’s story, I am reminded that our family is not in the first chapter of his life. We’re not even mentioned in the first chapter. In fact, we’ll likely never know that chapter at all. We won’t know simple facts like how much he weighed at birth.  We won’t know when he first smiled.  Still, we anxiously prepare for Little Brother and wait on God's timing and provision in officially bringing Little Brother into our family.

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and 

in his word I put my hope.

Psalm 130:5

What we will know though is the very moment that he becomes a Webb. We’ll see the amazement on his face when he first sees a bear or an alligator at the zoo. We will get to take him on his first wagon ride to the park. We won’t be able to stop smiling that moment he actually runs towards us instead of away. Those who know me well (or maybe just at all) know that these are the moments our scrapbooks are made of! And scrapbooks I will make! 

I still remember this conversation Joey and I had about 9 months ago. It went something like this… 
Joey: "Mommy, will my brother or my sister stay with us when they come to our house? 
Me: "Yes, Joey. He or she will stay with us forever." 
Joey: "We won't have to take them back to China?" 
Me: "No, Joey. They will be our family forever." 
Joey: "Oh, good!" 

At only 5 years young, Joey longs for his brother to come home.  Joey knows that when we're driving to preschool in the mornings, Little Brother is fast asleep in China.  We have explained that Little Brother will likely cry a lot in the beginning.  He might even be scared of us. Yet still Joey prays for his little brother and has has piled toy after toy in Little Brother's room.  Joey has even mentioned taking his own money to the store to purchase more toys for Little Brother.  To catch a glimpse of Joey's heart...melts my own.

These are the moments that bring a (thankful) tear to my eyes.  No, Joey, Little Brother will never have to go back to China. He will always be your brother. And we will always be our son! He will only go back to China to visit…or maybe to bring home more siblings. 
Shhh, don’t tell Daddy!

Joey was anxious to help Daddy paint 

Little Brother's room.  He's always helping.  

Joey is already such a wonderful big brother! 

A sneak peak of Little Brother's bed and bedding.  

His stuffed animals wait patiently too.

See the little brown monkey?  Joey made that for 

his brother and surprisingly named him 

"I love you."  How appropriate!