What to Expect When You’re Expecting…A Toddler From Half a World Away

No, seriously! What should we expect when expecting a toddler. I can’t even answer that question! It seems like decades ago when Joey was 2 years old. Maybe that’s because he talks to me some days like he’s 13. I have forgotten so much! I hope Little Brother won’t be able to tell as I fumble around to figure this out!

Joey's contribution: making sure the suitcases zip 

properly and will withstand the weight limit.

I have to thank our amazing family and friends who have remained prayerful and fully invested in this journey with us. God has been gracious to use our friends to offer encouragement on the rough days and rejoice with us on the hopeful days.  They’ve asked often about our process, what our next step is, and prayed for the details. Adoption and pregnancy are different in so many ways. No one has run up to ask our due date or if we know what we’re having, but to hear “how old is your little boy” or “have you two decided on a name yet” means just as much to these expectant parents.   Here's an excerpt from a blog shared with me.  It might offer a little insight to our family and friends on what to expect from us while we're expecting...

• She loves a child she’s never met - It’s possible. So possible. It’s irrational and crazy but it’s reality. Does she love them like she will once she gets to know them? No. But she loves them. She wakes up loving them and goes to sleep loving them. She drives to the grocery story and aches to have them safe and snug in the carseat waiting for them. She pushes her cart around the store and hears a child cry and her heart pounds wondering if her child is crying? Alone? Hungry? She might even have to leave an entire grocery cart full of food in the yogurt aisle to go home and cry because it just is too hard. Way too hard.

• Her child has been through trauma - If she’s like a lot of moms she won’t be advertising that fact everywhere because she respects her child’s privacy. But children don’t come to the place of needing a second family because they were placed in a cabbage patch by unicorns and leprechauns. Adoption comes from loss. Loss she will see in her child’s eyes and in their heart. Loss that as a mama can make your soul curl up in a ball for an ugly cry. So don’t tell her the kids are lucky. You wouldn’t tell a person who lost an arm that they’re lucky to have a prosthetic one, would you? I mean yeah, they are lucky to have that replacement. But you know what would be luckier? Not losing that arm in the first place. So please be understanding. Also, maybe instead of asking for her child’s story outright ask “are you sharing about his history before you?” That gives her a chance to either answer you or bow out graciously. 

• Adoption isn’t pregnancy - It just isn’t. Well, it is in that at the end of it the hope is to have a new son or daughter in your arms. But I’ve yet to meet a pregnant woman who wonders how old her child will be upon entry into the family. Adoption is different. There is no due date for us. Let that sink in. No due date. And even given preemies and late arrivals with the baby by stork method you have a narrow months-long window of time in which the baby will arrive. That brings us to point number seven.

• She probably doesn’t know when the child is coming home - And she has probably been asked this approximately twelve times that day. Because you, her awesome friends, care about her! And I get it. It’s hard with adoption because you don’t know what to ask. I feel that way with pregnant ladies, like what am I supposed to say? “Your ankles really don’t look that bad do they?” Recently I learned the always safe phrase “you look great – how is baby doing?”, the adoption equivalent is “I know you must miss your kiddos, how is the adoption going?” Or, if you don’t have time to have her break down and cry all over you try the even safer “can I see your latest update pictures?” and then ooh and aww over their cute faces. Even if the pictures are horrible say something positive. I mean I don’t tell people that their sonogram pictures sometimes look like aliens made of bread dough. 

 * This blog post was shared on a group site and I thought it offers great insight if you'd like to read the entire post.  I feel a little more normal now…at least in the adoption world.

Speaking of latest update pictures, here they are!  We received them just a few days ago.  With our agency, they receive growth parameters (height, weight, etc) and updated pictures a few weeks before a family travels to meet their little one.  When we received this "last update" this week, it became real.  More real. We've known that we're going to meet Little Brother soon.  Now, it is clear that the orphanage and our agency are confident in this as well.  Ahhhh!!!!

Aren't those the cutest cheeks ever?  

This Momma can answer for you..."most definitely".

Something of His Very Own

I was beyond thrilled this morning to find a surprise awaiting us on Facebook. There were 5 pictures and a video. You see, they weren’t pictures of a friend's cuddly baby or even pictures of our super cute nephew. They were pictures of our adorable littlest boy. Once my sleepy eyes registered what they were seeing, I felt much like this little monkey. 

Instead of clanging my cymbals, doing flips, 

grinning, and chattering, I was… giggling, 

crying, jumping around, and texting Russ. 

I met a pretty amazing friend through our agency’s Facebook page a few weeks ago. Facebook can be a time-waster for me, but in this case…a blessing. In fact, I talked to Russ so much about her that he probably thought I had reconnected with a long lost sister. After exchanging messages that first day, we soon realized our sons were in the same orphanage. They might even know each other. A and her family would get to travel just a few weeks later to bring their little boy home. You can imagine my excitement and shock when A graciously offered to take a gift to Little Brother. WHAT? Without being able to go to China ourselves, this was the next best thing – knowing that another loving family would hopefully be able to show love to our son.  I pray that we have the opportunity to pass along that blessing to another family waiting to bring their little one(s) home as well.  We can't thank A and her family enough!

In the orphanage, Little Brother likely does not have anything of his very own. Until now. The children appear to be very well cared for and their nannies love them dearly. It’s just that the children share everything. And not that possessions should be a high priority, but to hold a gift made especially for Little Brother just might give him a glimpse of how special he is to us. I’ve prayed that in the moment he received our gifts that God would give him even a tiny warm feeling of love, significance, hope. 

 Look at those cheeks!

 Someone holding up the gifts we sent.

Comparing the picture on the bag to Little Brother?

Hungry guy eating a meal

My heart pounds at the sight of these pictures. It reminds me of the feeling I had when looking at Joey's sonogram pictures, except I don't have to wonder whether I'm seeing a foot or an arm.  I’ve looked at these pictures a million times already. To us this day...with pictures in hand, we feel like we’ve won the grand prize!  God is in the details.

Always and Forever

Sometimes when I really take time to think about Little Brother’s story, I am reminded that our family is not in the first chapter of his life. We’re not even mentioned in the first chapter. In fact, we’ll likely never know that chapter at all. We won’t know simple facts like how much he weighed at birth.  We won’t know when he first smiled.  Still, we anxiously prepare for Little Brother and wait on God's timing and provision in officially bringing Little Brother into our family.

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and 

in his word I put my hope.

Psalm 130:5

What we will know though is the very moment that he becomes a Webb. We’ll see the amazement on his face when he first sees a bear or an alligator at the zoo. We will get to take him on his first wagon ride to the park. We won’t be able to stop smiling that moment he actually runs towards us instead of away. Those who know me well (or maybe just at all) know that these are the moments our scrapbooks are made of! And scrapbooks I will make! 

I still remember this conversation Joey and I had about 9 months ago. It went something like this… 
Joey: "Mommy, will my brother or my sister stay with us when they come to our house? 
Me: "Yes, Joey. He or she will stay with us forever." 
Joey: "We won't have to take them back to China?" 
Me: "No, Joey. They will be our family forever." 
Joey: "Oh, good!" 

At only 5 years young, Joey longs for his brother to come home.  Joey knows that when we're driving to preschool in the mornings, Little Brother is fast asleep in China.  We have explained that Little Brother will likely cry a lot in the beginning.  He might even be scared of us. Yet still Joey prays for his little brother and has has piled toy after toy in Little Brother's room.  Joey has even mentioned taking his own money to the store to purchase more toys for Little Brother.  To catch a glimpse of Joey's heart...melts my own.

These are the moments that bring a (thankful) tear to my eyes.  No, Joey, Little Brother will never have to go back to China. He will always be your brother. And we will always be our son! He will only go back to China to visit…or maybe to bring home more siblings. 
Shhh, don’t tell Daddy!

Joey was anxious to help Daddy paint 

Little Brother's room.  He's always helping.  

Joey is already such a wonderful big brother! 

A sneak peak of Little Brother's bed and bedding.  

His stuffed animals wait patiently too.

See the little brown monkey?  Joey made that for 

his brother and surprisingly named him 

"I love you."  How appropriate!

FUNDRAISER

Over the past week, we've begun a fundraiser to help bring Little Brother home. This is out of our comfort zone.  In fact, in some ways it's chiseling away at our pride. God has blessed our family by providing for our expenses so far in this process. Beginning several months ago, we felt that perhaps a fundraiser would be God's way of taking the focus off our self-sufficiency.  We can quietly use "our" money for these expenses and easily forget just Who is truly providing each step of the way. Maybe fundraising is a way to bring glory to Him? Maybe it's a way to bring awareness to the many orphans in China (and across the world) waiting for their families? Maybe it's a way to express our gratitude for those caregivers in the orphanage who devote long hours to feeding, clothing, and caring for Little Brother? Maybe it's simply an act of obedience?

We invite you to consider purchasing some of the note cards below either for yourself or to share with others. Click on the pictures to see a larger view. All profits will go to ease our expense in the remaining fees and upcoming travel expenses.  We're getting so close to bringing Little Brother home!!!

NOTES FOR SUPER BROTHER

Each set of 12 (same design) note cards is $18.  This price includes envelopes as well as shipping within the US.  Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.  If you're interested in purchasing, you may send an email to:

     notesforsuperbrother@yahoo.com.   

     Please include the following: name, address, style and quantity.

(October 2012)

These 2 super heroes are just as anxious 

as I am to bring Super Brother home.  

What's In a Name?

What’s In a Name? 
So Much! What a great responsibility and honor to choose a name for someone. A name s/he will likely hear spoken for 80+ years. You see, Joey’s name was decided long before my engagement ring was purchased or even picked out for that matter. I’m surprised there wasn’t some kind of contract established on naming the first-born son! He’s named after 3 quite amazing men! Because of that, I feel that Little Brother must be named after a beloved family member also.

I love the meaning of Joey’s name. As Rachel shares it in Genesis, ”She named him Joseph, and said, “May the Lord add to me another son.” It also means “to increase”, which I was unaware of when we first started this adoption journey. I had a feeling months ago when we first filled out paperwork that another little boy would be joining our family. Perhaps that was God’s way of preparing my heart for the future. All things boy! He has been gearing me up for more bugs, bodily noises, trucks, and dirt. It’s great! Russ and I had been talking through boy names for quite awhile. We’ve looked at the same list of names a million times. In fact, I had a name in mind for the past few years, but… 

Due to extreme popularity of the following names, we have dismissed them as options: 
Lego 
Super Brother 
Spider 

We’ve learned not to promise that Joey will have the final say in Little Brother’s name. I was certain that when he told our social worker he intended to name his brother “Lego”, our home study approval would be in question.  Joey has remained quite adamant over the past few weeks that his name preference for his brother is “Super Brother”. While we think Little Brother is pretty super, it might be a little difficult to fill in that many bubbles on a standardized test sheet. 

There are many details of our little guy that have been shared with us. We have seen some pictures of him. We know which of his forever parents he favors (This son looks like ME)! We know his birthday. We will soon know the day we will first kiss his soft cheeks. We will know the exact date Ch*na will officially recognize him as our family. We have decided to leave this little name piece of the puzzle tucked away in a safe place.  Shhh, it's a secret.  Thankfully, it’s in our minds and not in the “safe place” I have chosen for so many other things. You know, the “safe place” where you find that completely amazing, extraordinary birthday present that you bought for your dad…5 years ago?

If you wonder what our family will look like in the near 

future, here it is.  Super Brother is on the bottom 

right corner.  If you're counting people, you may be as 

baffled as I was.  Joey has big plans for our family and 

he's not afraid to share them.  For 

months he has requested a brother AND a sister.  

That holds true to this day!  Who knows what God has 

in store of for our family!

It's No Secret

It’s no secret that we’re in the midst of an adoption journey! It’s an exciting journey that I’d never ever want to miss! In fact, we’re thrilled to be just a few months away from holding our new little boy for the first time. I’m no captivating storyteller, but here's our journey to meet Little Brother.

Before the first step
I’ve been curious about adoption for years. Adoption sparked my interest a lot, but I was naive.  I had no idea of the hard decisions to come, rollercoaster of emotions, or great blessing wrapped in this gift called adoption. It’s an honor and an opportunity we’re thankful to be given. While we don’t know that every person is called to care for orphans in the form of adoption, for us this is what living out James 1:27 means to our family. And the decision wasn’t a casual one. It was covered with tears, prayers, and waiting. In fact, I edged (and probably even crossed the line a time or 2) on being that nagging wife. You know? The one mentioned in Proverbs. I imagined Russ on the roof top. He has in fact been up there…although it was to make a repair of some kind. God had to work on my waiting process. He still is through this journey. I remember the day that Russ said he felt like we should move forward in the adoption process. I thought I was hallucinating! Oh happy day!!! And when he said “move forward”, he was apparently sitting on go. I’ve never seen someone tackle paperwork quite like that before. And if you know Russ well, there was no doubt a spreadsheet involved! I’m so thankful that he’s been on top of all the paperwork and trying to keep me calm in the process. He still has a spreadsheet going and updates it frequently. I saw it tonight.

In the very beginning, we began visiting with friends (or really anyone who would talk to us) who had adopted. We talked a lot. In fact, I’m still picking the brains of several friends and have even met new friends to interrogate. It’s been a roller coaster ride, but I can say that God writes each story in His own unique way and time. Only when we took a moment to reflect on the past year did we notice that the very month we lost our baby through miscarriage there was a tiny baby boy being born half way around the world. And he isn’t just any little boy, he’s the little guy Joey lovingly refers to as “Super Brother”! We couldn’t have ever guessed that we would be chosen to love, snuggle with, and teach him. It seems crazy to think that even before we began pursuing adoption, God had been long pursuing our hearts and growing in us a love for adoption that we still struggle to grasp.

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
 Lord my God, I will praise you forever.” 

Psalm 30:11-12 

So In Love
We are completely in love with a little guy we didn’t even know existed until the end of July.  It was just days before Russ’ birthday when we first saw his beautiful face. I remember that night well.  I was shocked that someone from our agency was emailing so late in the evening and that he even replied to our request for more information on Little Brother that night. We prayed for Little Brother and God’s wisdom on the next steps ahead. Would we choose to pursue adopting this little guy or was his forever family someone else? Talk about a sleepless night. Russ and I were both glued to the computer screen starring at a beautiful face reading and re-reading the information shared with us all the while smiling some kind of crazy, goofy grin.

Have you ever missed someone you’ve never even met? I hadn’t either…until now.

Getting passport photos was our first active step in the 
process (as we waited to begin our home study process).  
With his Superman shirt and Batman boots, it  seems 
fitting that Joey wants to name his brother "Super Brother".